Checkmate

By Maquis Leader

Rating NC17

Author’s note: I’ve taken one liberty with Endgame. I moved the scene between Chakotay and Seven where he begged her not to dump him (gag) to the night before Admiral Janeway took her shuttle into the nebula. Personally, I didn’t think he’d be in astrometrics five minutes before starting their attack on the transwarp hub. Basically what you saw on TV -- you see here as well. Except with a twist and the right J/C ending, of course.

Author’s note 2: A big thanks to Cress for bugging me to enter the Artist contest. I played with my Remembering Chakotay picture and it ended up looking really cool.

Chakotay was slightly uncomfortable under Admiral Janeway’s scrutiny. She was looking at him as if she hadn’t seen him in a very long time. Hungrily, as if he were a rabbit and she was a wolf that hadn’t eaten in a long time. “Relax, Chakotay, I won’t bite.” The corner of her mouth lifted in a crooked smile. “Not too hard anyway.”

He smiled in return and relaxed against the back of the sofa.

“That smile should be illegal.” She laughed. “How did I ever manage to resist you all those years?”

“You tell me and we’ll both know.” He smiled again.

Handing him a cup of tea, she sat on the sofa next to him. “Don’t flirt with me. I’m old enough to be your mother, hell, maybe even your grandmother.”

He laughed. “I’d never mistake you for my mother, Kathryn, or my grandmother.”

Patting his leg, she let her hand rest on his thigh. “You’re lying, but I love you for it.”

The words made his heart beat faster. Even at her age, Admiral Janeway was still a beautiful woman. Sitting here with him, she looked younger than she had when she first appeared on the main screen. She was smiling a mysterious smile and the lines and bitterness had faded. Her thumb rubbed circles on his thigh and he felt himself hardening in response. The smoky blue eyes were looking at him as if he were the only man in the universe. He knew he should look away and break eye contact with her, but it was too easy to bask in her attention. Too easy to let her feed his male ego with her obvious adoration. Now if only his Kathryn Janeway would look at him this way.

Lifting a hand to her hair, Chakotay rubbed the silver strands between his fingers. “Is this from putting up with me all these years?”

“I started going gray about six months ago. Almost overnight.” She patted her hair self consciously. “I’m still not quite used to it, but I’m too vain to dye it.”

“You’re still a beautiful woman, Kathryn.”

“And you were always so handsome.” Her hand came up to touch his tattoo, traced it lovingly. “Chakotay…” she followed the blue-black lines in their ever connecting pattern.

“Kathryn?” Her lower lip was trembling and tears had pooled in the blue eyes. Had he hurt her so terribly that it affected her this much years later?

Leaning forward, she placed a kiss where her fingers had been, freeing them to slide into his raven hair. Resting her cheek against his, she breathed in his unique scent. Warm, masculine, and spicy. God, how she’d missed him!

His arms went around her to cradle her to his chest, hands stroking her quivering back and shoulders. “Shh… everything will be okay.” Her lips touched his temple, his cheek, and then before he realized, she was kissing him. Gently but thoroughly, her tongue slipping past his lips as he gasped in surprise.

When he didn’t respond, she pulled back. His arms tightened suddenly, holding her against him. His mouth slanted across hers, tongue plunging in to taste her. The scent of her surrounded him and intoxicated him, making his blood burn through his veins.

Her hands moved over his broad shoulders and down his chest. Pulling down the zipper of his jacket, she slid her hand inside to caress the muscles under the gray shirt, her fingers brushed one of his nipples and it hardened instantly for her.

“Wait.” Chakotay pushed her back gently. “I can’t.”

“I know, I know. You’re not mine.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “I’ve missed your gentleness.”

“Kathryn –” the chirp of his combadge interrupted him.

“Seven of Nine to Chakotay.”

Looking away from the Admiral, he tapped his badge. “Chakotay here.”

“Commander, our – “ Seven paused. “Meeting was scheduled for 2200 hours. It is now 2210.”

“I’m in a – “ It was his turn to pause. “ A meeting right now.”

Admiral Janeway laid her hand on his forearm. “I need to talk to you, please stay, Chakotay.” He turned to look at her. “ I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

“Seven, I’m going to have to cancel tonight. I have a friend who needs to talk to me.”

“Understood. Can we reschedule for tomorrow morning?”

“I’ll let you know. Chakotay out.”

“Thank you.” The Admiral took a PADD out of the small bag she’d carried on board with her. “Before you read this, I want you to know that I didn’t tell him then because I thought it would only embarrass him. I didn’t think it was important. I was wrong.”

He took the PADD from her, eyebrows raised at her cryptic statement. The stardate was roughly three months earlier. “This is your personal log.”

“Yes and my official log as well.” Her gaze was steady and true. To hell with the temporal prime directive.

He read the contents, shock changing to anger as he read about Seven’s holodeck experiments into human emotion. “She used me? To – to practice?” The dark eyes glittered angrily. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“I thought it would hurt you, and I was right.” She rubbed her forehead. “I called her on the carpet. Told her and the Doctor to keep their mouths shut and told her to never do this type of thing again.”

“And you didn’t think I should know?” The words were forced past clenched teeth.

“Not then, no. Now, yes.” She sighed. “I couldn’t see where it would do anything but harm. I was happy that you’d finally managed to be more than just civil to Seven. If I’d known she’d go after the real thing – I would have let her keep playing with the damn hologram.”

“This didn’t make you angry?” Chakotay threw the PADD down. “Didn’t you care?”

“Of course I cared, Chakotay. I was madder than hell! As far as I was concerned, you were mine and she could keep her mitts off.” Taking a hypospray from the bag, she adjusted the setting and placed it to her neck. “On the other hand, I was happy she wanted to be more human. I didn’t want to set back her progress.”

Chakotay took the hypospray from her before she could put it away. “Tetracynel?”

“A new migraine medication the Doctor developed. I gave up coffee, I couldn’t give up the headaches.” The hypo went back into her bag. “ Little did I know that Seven would decide to start a real relationship with you. Her hologram hadn’t been anything like you. She’d edited the parameters until you were more like a teenage boy than a man. In her program, she slept with you but there was no sex.”

“She may not have been too far off. She’s scared and shy. I’ve been taking things very slowly with her. Not wanting to let her see what a man can be like.” Chakotay shook his head angrily. “I’m such a fool.”

“You’re a kind man, Chakotay. Gentle and sensitive.” She patted his cheek. “And naïve as hell. How did you ever survive as a Maquis? You’ve been taken advantage of so many times.”

His eyes narrowed. “Thanks for understanding.”

“I wouldn’t have you any other way. You’re a good man.” Her arms went around him again for a quick hug. “I didn’t know that you and Seven were dating. You were very discrete. Not until the night you told me you wouldn’t be going with me on shore leave to this beautiful little planet we’d found. You would be going with Seven.” Her eyes closed.

“So, where do you want to go first, Chakotay?”

“Kathryn, I – I’m not going to go with you.”

“What?” Kathryn turned from the viewport where she’d been watching the blue and green planet turn. “Don’t tell me you’re not taking leave? This place is a paradise. There’s hot springs…”

“I’ll be going down with Seven.”

“Seven? Do you want her to come with us?” She stopped. “You want to be alone with her?”

“Yes.” Chakotay looked at the floor, the sofa, anywhere but her eyes. “Seven and I have been seeing each other for the past two months.”

“When? I’ve never seen – “ He’d stopped joining her for dinner and then lunch. She rarely saw him off duty anymore. How could she not have seen what was happening? “I see.”

“Seven’s new to this sort of thing. We wanted to keep it quiet. But now – “

“But now things have changed?”

“I – I care for her, Kathryn. And I want it to be out in the open.”

“I’m happy for you.” She forced a smile onto her face.

“Kathryn, I don’t mean to hurt you.” He stepped towards her.

“Why would you think it would hurt me? We’re only friends, after all.”

“You’re right. What was I thinking?” His jaw hardened. “Only friends.”

The door snapped shut behind him and her heart snapped in two. Falling to the floor, she clutched her chest; the pain was agonizing, crushing her. Sobs tore out of her. “You promised… you promised… you promised…”

“Kathryn?”

She opened her eyes. The pain in her heart was as strong as it had been that day 26 years ago.

“Kathryn, are you okay?” Chakotay had become concerned when she’d clutched her chest. “Do you need to go to sickbay?”

“There’s no cure for a broken heart, Chakotay.” She sighed. “Except time. Or so they tell me.”

“I never meant to hurt you.” He said it for himself and for his other self in the Admiral’s timeline. Hurting Kathryn was the very last thing he wanted.

“I’ve always said that if I’d known, I’d have fought for you.” She laughed bitterly. “I’d forgotten how stubborn I could be. She’s pretending she’s happy for you – just like I did.”

“You’re not here to save Seven, are you?” He got up from the sofa. “You’re not here to save Tuvok or even Voyager.” Kathryn had told him what the Admiral had told her about Seven’s death and Tuvok’s illness.

“No, I’m here to save us.” She stood up as well, grasping the front of his jacket. “Voyager will get home earlier, Tuvok will be cured, and Seven will be saved. But I’m here for us! I’ll do whatever it takes!”

“Then how do I know you didn’t make all this up?”

“Feel free to ask your Kathryn – better yet ask Seven. Hell, check my logs. Do you want my security codes?” She sat back down on the sofa. “I can wait. After all, I have nothing but time.”

“I do not understand your anger, Chakotay. You were the most logical choice. You are kind and caring and you have proven you can be discrete. After all, you have kept your feelings from the Captain for seven years.”

“Logical? I thought you had some feeling for me!”

“I do care for you. I wish to form a collective with you – “

“A collective?” He backed away. His old fear of the Borg resurfaced.

“I – I believe I love you.” Seven struggled with the strange feelings. “I am anxious to see you and unhappy when you are not with me.”

“You used me to – feel – to – “ Turning, he smashed a fist into a console.

Startled, Seven backed away. Chakotay had never displayed violent tendencies previously. He appeared angry and hurt as a result of her actions. “I do not understand.” Was this what the Admiral had meant when she had told her that Chakotay would be hurt because of her?

“You can’t use people – experiment with feelings and emotions! I’m not a hologram!”

“The hologram was a mistake, I understand that now. Captain Janeway pointed out to me that such programs are unethical and can result in hurt feelings. I complied.”

She took another step back as he spun around to glare at her. “I decided it was time to move on to real life experiences. I had the Doctor adjust my cortical implant so I can fully experience human emotions.”

“And I’m the guinea pig to help you with these ‘real life experiences’?” He slapped his hands down on the console. Chakotay was so angry that tremors shook his body. “I’m honored!”

“You were the logical choice.” Seven repeated. His anger disturbed her and she felt uneasy. Was this fear?

“Our little scene in Astrometrics tonight – you wanting to end it – was that another experiment? A real life experience? ”

“No – “ Perhaps if she explained it in a more logical fashion? “I – I knew I could count on your gentleness and kindness. Another man might be forceful or inconsiderate of my wishes. I knew that you would wait until I was ready to initiate a sexual relationship.”

“Is that what you thought?” He advanced on her, backing her against the storage racks. He was tired of being controlled. Tired of being kept on a leash like a dog. “You thought you could control me?”

“I – I – “ she stuttered as he grabbed her arms. His mouth slammed down on hers. She tried to twist away, but he held her too tightly. Strong fingers squeezed her jaw painfully forcing her to open her mouth.

Chakotay thrust his tongue in and out of her mouth, fucking her with his tongue and grinding his mouth against hers until he tasted blood when her teeth cut into her lips. She staggered as he stepped back. The ice blue eyes were wide with fear. “Maybe you need to see what being with a man is really like.”

Pushing her to the floor of the cargo bay, he held her down with his weight while he tore her jumpsuit down the front. He knew this was exactly why she’d chosen him over the other men on the ship. Her fear and hesitancy about sex had made her pick the one man she knew would never force her. He squeezed her breasts and ground his hips into hers, enjoying the terror in her eyes.

“Add this to your ‘real life experiences’, Seven.” Getting to his feet, he left her lying frightened and crying on the cargo bay floor.

In his quarters, Chakotay sat on the floor under the viewport. He’d calmed down during the walk back and was appalled at what he’d done to Seven. He’d never been violent with a woman. Even with Seska’s betrayal, he’d kept his emotions firmly in check.

Resting his head back against the bulkhead, he contemplated the mess that was his life. He had a Borg who wanted to form a collective with him, but please, no sex until I’m ready. A Captain he loved who might love him back but who refused to come out from behind the Starfleet rulebook. And an Admiral who had 26 years on him and who’d profess her love and take him to bed in a heartbeat if he asked. “Oh Spirits, help me.” He pleaded. There was a crash in the bedroom. Getting up, he moved quickly into the bedroom. Was there someone in his quarters? “Computer, is there anyone besides myself in here?”

“Negative.”

“Has anyone else been in my quarters?”

“Captain Janeway was present at 0730 hours.”

No one since Kathryn had stopped by to walk with him to the mess hall this morning. Turning, he noticed the picture of himself and Kathryn that he kept on the bedside table had fallen to the floor. It was one he’d taken on New Earth just days before Voyager had come back for them. He set it carefully back on the table.

Kathryn Janeway bolted upright in bed. Someone was in her quarters, right next to her bed. “Computer lights!” She scrambled to the bedside table for the phaser she kept there. “Chakotay?” He was sitting in the floor against the side of the bed. The broad shoulders and raven hair were unmistakable. “Chakotay?” Crawling across the bed, she leaned over to look at him.

“Kathryn.” He answered softly.

“Are you okay? Are you sick?” His forehead felt cool.

“I have a pain. A horrible pain.” His hands were pressed to his chest.

“Oh my, God! Sickbay! Medical emergency!” Rolling off the bed to kneel next to him, she ran her hands over him looking for an injury.

“Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” The Doctor materialized beside her.

“I don’t know, he says he’s in pain!”

The Doctor ran his medical scanner over Chakotay. “He’s fine.”

“What?” She snatched the scanner out of his hand. “There must be something wrong with this. He says he’s in horrible pain, help him!”

“He doesn’t look like he’s in any pain.” The hologram repossessed his scanner. “I’m sorry, you’re right. The first diagnosis was wrong.”

“See! Now help him!”

“He’s as healthy as an ox. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an expectant Klingon to check on.” The Doctor vanished.

“Wait! Come back here, you worthless excuse for a tricorder!” Turning back to Chakotay, Kathryn pulled his shirt up. There were no marks on his chest. “What happened? Is it something you ate? Did you – I’ll make him – “

“Kathryn, there’s no cure for a broken heart.” His voice was soft, almost a whisper.

Sitting back on her heels, she took in the mussed hair and the despair in the lines of his body. “Chakotay, look at me.” The black velvet eyes were filled with an agony no medical scanner could ever detect. A pain that tore at her heart. She put her arms around him and guided his head to her shoulder.

“I thought I could move on. You don’t love me like I love you.”

“That’s not true.” She stroked his hair. “I love you, Chakotay, more than anything.”

“Not more than your precious Starfleet.”

“I could care less about Starfleet! I care about our crew. Our having a relationship could adversely affect them.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“I said bullshit.” He pushed her away and got to his feet. “You’re afraid. Plain and simple.”

“I’m not afraid of anything.” She stood up as well.

“Bullshit.”

“Will you stop saying that?”

Leaning forward until his nose touched hers, Chakotay repeated softly. “Bullshit.” Her eyes narrowed. “You’re a coward.” He added.

Anger boiled up in her. How dare he suggest she was afraid just because she held onto her Starfleet principles? Putting her hands on his chest, she shoved him backwards.

Staggering back, the mattress hit him in the back of his knees and he fell onto the bed. “Kathryn, all you have to do is ask.” He smiled as he lay back.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell!”

She stood over him, hands on her hips and breathing hard. Chakotay could see her nipples through the blue silk of her gown. He grew hard as he watched her breasts rising and falling with each agitated breath. “You want me, you’re just too damn stubborn to admit it.”

“You’re deluded!”

“The Admiral kissed me.” Grinning at the sight of her jaw dropping open, he added. “She groped me, too.”

“You – she – you kissed her?”

“No. She kissed me.” He licked his lips. “Very thoroughly. You’re good with your tongue, Kathryn. Or did she learn that later?”

“That’s -- she’s – old!” She sputtered.

“Older women make better lovers. I lost my virginity to a woman twice my age.” He closed his eyes. “Oh, now she knew what she was doing.”

First Seven and now the Admiral! Did everyone on her ship but her get to kiss her first officer? “You let her kiss you? Why?”

“Why not? Maybe I should go back and see if she wants company.” He got up off the bed.

“You’d go to bed with her? How could you?”

“She’s you, after all. Something’s better than nothing.” Shrugging, he walked to the bedroom door. “Maybe she’ll tell you what you’ve been missing.”

Kathryn didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. It seemed ludicrous. The day before they got home, Chakotay was going to cheat on her – with herself! “Wait!” He stopped and turned. “Don’t go.”

“If I stay…” He let the question trail off.

His meaning was clear. He was tired of waiting. She could admit she loved him and go to bed with him or he was gone. There were at least two other women on Voyager who’d welcome him with open arms. “Please, don’t go.”

Slowly, he came back to her giving her time to change her mind. Gently cupping her face in his hands, he lowered his head down until their lips almost touched. Content for the moment to breathe the same air, Chakotay let his hands rest on the sides of her neck, his thumbs stroking the soft skin.

Kathryn slid her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Rising up on her toes, she pressed her lips against his. Her tongue traced along the full bottom lip until his mouth opened to her.

His hands began moving over her body, one hand on her bottom and the other squeezing one of her breasts through the cool silk. Pulling back, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. Sitting her down, he stepped back and quickly stripped his clothes off. Pushing her onto her back, he moved his body over hers. “I love you, Kathryn.”

“I love you, Chakotay.” Spreading her legs, she welcomed his weight on top of her. “Oh, God, I’ve wanted to feel this for so long.” She ran her fingers through his hair and down over his shoulders and back to the smooth taut buttocks.

Her gown parted with a loud rip under his hands so he could suck at her breasts. Another tearing sound and her panties were no longer an obstacle. “Spirits, I want you so much.” Pressing against her, he thrust inside her burying himself to the hilt. Groaning with pleasure, he ground himself against her. She was so hot and so much tighter than he’d ever dreamed.

Kathryn cried out in pain. He was a big man and as much as she wanted him, she wasn’t ready for him. Gritting her teeth, she pulled her knees up and out to open herself to him as much as possible. Tears trickled down her cheeks as he lunged into her again and again. My own fault for playing the Virgin Captain.

Chakotay knew he was hurting her but couldn’t stop himself. After waiting so long to be with her there was no way to hold back. Gasping her name, he plunged into her one last time, emptying himself.

Holding his head to her breasts, she stroked the raven hair and murmured soft love words to him. For the first time, she wrapped her legs around him to lock his body to hers.

“I’m sorry.” He gasped out.

“Don’t be. I loved it.”

“I hurt you.” Rising up, he gazed down into her face. There was no anger or condemnation in her eyes, only love. “I’ve dreamed so many times of making love to you. This wasn’t what I had planned.”

“It’s my fault. The price of celibacy.” She kissed him. “I wish I had given myself to you on New Earth. I wanted to. You’re right, I was scared.” Amazing how easily that confession slipped out now.

Kissing her gently, his tongue sliding sweetly along hers, he slowly moved his weight off of her. Rising from the bed, he went to the bathroom and returned with a wet washcloth. Carefully, he washed his seed from her. “Oh, Kathryn, I’m sorry.” Her skin was pink; the delicate lips were swollen and red. Even the small sensitive nub was angry looking. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Nuzzling his face into the auburn curls, he kissed the abused feminine center. Leaning over her, he pressed his mouth to hers again. “Let me bathe you. I’ve wanted to since I saw you in your towel. It’s the one time I was glad the monkey was there."

“I can’t believe you still hate him. What’d he ever do to you?” She laughed.

“He kept interrupting us. Every time I’d get close and think I might get a kiss – he’d be there chattering. He was as bad as Tuvok.” Helping her to her feet, he led her to the bathroom. “And you know, I have to wonder if Tuvok has the ability to scan for heightened hormonal reactions – he’s always interrupted us at just the last possible moment.”

“I think it’s just Vulcan bad timing, but we’ll check into it.”

Filling the bathtub with hot water and bubble bath, Chakotay settled against the back of the tub with Kathryn laying against his chest. “This is so nice. Much nicer than when Q was in here with me.” She sighed.

“Q? Should I be jealous?” He rubbed handfuls of bubbles over her breasts.

“Of Q? Well, he is an omnipotent being.” She teased.

“Wonder what the Continum thought when he came back smelling like roses?”

“Oh, I’m sure they’re used to him winding up smelling like a rose.” She laughed. “Considering what he falls into most of the time.”

“Well, I hope after having an omnipotent being in your bath, you’ll be happy to settle for a mere mortal man.”

“More than happy.” Leaning her head back on his shoulder, she closed her eyes as his hands moved over her body. When his fingers rubbed at the small bundle of nerves between her legs, she moaned and arched against him.

Sliding a finger inside of her, he whispered in her ear. “Do you like that? Does it hurt?”

“No, oh no, it’s wonderful!” Lying back, she gave herself over to the lightning storm that ran through her body as he rubbed the sensitive spot with one hand while he slid two fingers of his other hand slowly in and out of her. Bucking against him, her inner walls clamped down on his fingers as the lightning exploded with a fiery crash. “Chakotay, oh God, Chakotay…”

He cradled her to him, kissing her face and stroking her thighs and belly as she shivered under the last of the tremors. “Lean up.” Chakotay guided her to the side of the tub. Grabbing a towel off the shelf, he folded it up to act as a cushion for her to lean on.

Laying her head down on her crossed arms, Kathryn knelt in front of him. This wasn’t one of her most favorite positions, but love was give and take. She already knew that Chakotay would give to her what she needed. She wanted to give him what he needed as well.

Kneeling behind her, he ran his hands over her bottom and rubbed himself against her. One hand went between her legs spreading her open for him and the other settled on her hip. Gently, slowly, he slid inside of her. “Tell me if I’m hurting you.”

“No, it feels good.” The water lapped around her hips as he began moving carefully in and out of her. “It feels so good…”

Nipping at the back of her neck, he whispered hoarsely in her ear. “I like it this way, Kathryn, it feels primitive.” He began thrusting harder and deeper. His hands stroked her breasts and belly. “Our ancestors mated this way. Man taking woman.”

So that’s what he liked. “Man dominating woman.” She whispered back to him.

“Yes!” Pumping harder and faster, he gave up on kissing her neck and shoulders and arched back as he pounded into her. Holding her hips with both hands, he rode the wave of his climax higher and higher. He could hear her moaning, felt her pushing back against him and to take him as deeply as she could.

Kathryn had changed her mind. This was a wonderful position! Feeling completely female to his male, she discovered she understood ‘being taken’ for the first time. “Take me now, Chakotay!” The pleasure was overwhelming, sharp shards of electricity running through her with every hard thrust. He was groaning in his native language, harsh strange words, grunting as he crushed her against the side of the bathtub. Her orgasm rocked her to the core as it exploded within her with the intensity of an antimatter explosion.

With a few hard, sharp lunges, Chakotay came inside her, her name bursting from him. He collapsed over her bracing his forearms on the rim of the bathtub on either side of her. “Spirits, Kathryn, that was wonderful…”

“Yes, oh yes it was!” she laughed. Being dominated was more fun than she’d realized.

Pulling her against him, Chakotay settled them back in the hot water once again. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No, Chakotay. I’m laughing at myself.”

“Care to share the joke?”

“I’ve always hated being on my hands and knees. Hated being fucked that way.” She laughed delightedly. When he was quiet, she turned to look at him. He looked hurt. “I’m laughing because I didn’t know how good it could feel.”

His smile was back in an instant. “My grandfather told me the secret to making a woman happy was to make her want to be dominated in the bed robes. If a man can’t give a woman her pleasure, he’s not a man.”

“I think I like your grandfather’s philosophy.”

“It’s worked well for me.” Chakotay said smugly.

“I’ll bet it has.” She nestled back in his arms.

Later they lay in bed talking about the future. Plans for staying in the Delta quadrant were easier than those for the Alpha quadrant. Strangely enough, there were more unknown factors to be faced if they made it home.

Chakotay was kissing and caressing her, touching her constantly. Sucking at her breasts as he teased her with his fingers. Kathryn was surprised at his aggressiveness. He was such a gentle man, she had no idea he was hiding such a passionate and sensual nature.

He was nuzzling his way through the soft curls between her legs when she realized someone had just entered her quarters. Again. Does everyone have a code for my damn door? Chakotay rolled off of her, reaching for his pants in the dim light. “Who’s there?” Kathryn called out. She’d wrapped a sheet around her and had her phaser out.

“Don’t shoot! It’s only ‘you’!” Admiral Janeway appeared in the doorway. She stopped and smiled at Chakotay. “Well, fancy meeting you here.”

“Admiral.” He grinned at her, a flush staining the high cheekbones. A little boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

“Please, Chakotay, I think all things considered we should be on a first name basis.” She winked. “Call me Kate.”

“Kate.” He tried the name. Not as good as Kathryn, but it suited her.

“‘Bout time that bed saw some action.”

“Did you need something?” Kathryn asked her. This was almost as bad as getting caught by her mother, except her mother wouldn’t be looking at Chakotay quite so lasciviously.

“I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to talk to you. How about I make us some coffee?” Turning, she headed back into the main room without waiting for an answer.

After Kathryn pulled on her robe, she found Kate sitting on the sofa under the viewport. “Are you worried about tomorrow?”

“Not tomorrow so much as what comes after. I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m here to do more than bring Voyager home.”

“I’ve suspected you had an agenda you weren’t telling me about.”

“This may sound selfish – hell it is selfish! But I’m not here for Voyager.” She took a drink of her coffee savoring the taste once again. “I’m here for Chakotay. For me and Chakotay and to hell with everyone else.” She laughed at her younger self’s expression. “I’ve spent the last 26 years in hell – I decided I deserved a little happiness.”

Chakotay came out of the bedroom dressed in his uniform pants and gray turtle neck shirt. He gave Kate a kiss.

She held him in a fierce hug. “I love you, Chakotay.”

“I love you, too, Kate.” He gave Kathryn a kiss as well before settling on the floor at her feet. “I could get spoiled very quickly by this. Two Kathryn Janeways – ouch!” He rubbed his shoulder where Kathryn had smacked him.

“Well, I guess the trip wasn’t for nothing.” Kate trailed her fingers over her lips. “He’s magnificent, you'll never regret having him in your bed. I never did.”

“I didn’t think you and Chakotay were ever – “

“Intimate?” Kate laughed. “Where did you get that idea? We had our moments, but it wasn’t the way we wanted. The way we deserved.” She sobered and sat for several minutes looking into her coffee. “I didn’t tell him about the holodeck program she created. I didn’t know he’d started seeing Seven and when I found out, I lied and told him I was happy for him. After all we were only friends.” She laughed bitterly. “You should have seen the look on his face. Like I’d slapped him. I guess that was the pivotal moment in my timeline. My chance to tell him I loved him. Well I didn’t.” She was quiet again. “He walked out and l let him. And I lost him.”

Kathryn put her hand on Chakotay’s shoulder. She’d nearly lost him again. “We’ve changed that.”

“Yes, you have, haven’t you? Screw the temporal prime directive! This didn’t happen in my timeline, so everything I tell you may not happen – already hasn’t? God, I hate temporal mechanics.”

“Now I know why Braxton hated me so much. Janeway must mean ‘she who screws with time’.” Kathryn laughed.

“We’ve had more than our share of temporal events.” Chakotay agreed, thinking of the recent incident where the ship had been fractured into different times.

“Where to start?” Kate got up and paced to the viewport. “Chakotay and Seven were married for only a year when she died.”

“What?” He interrupted her. “Married? To Seven?”

“Yes. Married.” She assured him. “He was content – not blissfully happy – but content. And I was happy for him even though it hurt me. We were still friends, but there was no more flirting and teasing. We still had our dinners, but of course Seven was there, too.”

Chakotay struggled with the picture of himself married to Seven. Having dinner with Kathryn.

“Oh, occasionally we were alone, but we stuck to safe topics and maintained a safe distance.” Kate smiled. “The tension was still there, you know.”

She paced restlessly along the viewports. “One night he came alone. He and Seven had fought. He was hurt and angry. Keyed in his override and scared me half to death as I was getting out of the shower.”

My door might as well be wide open. Nobody actually waits for me to open it. Kathryn nudged Chakotay with her foot.

“One of the reasons he had decided to marry Seven was that she’d told him she wanted children.”

“Seven? Children?” Kathryn couldn’t quite believe that.

“She has mentioned it.” Chakotay told her.

“Miral had been born and a few other children as well. The crew was finally coming to realize it might be their only chance for a family. Chakotay desperately wanted children.” She smiled sadly at him. “He would have been a good father.”

“Wait. Seven can’t have children. The Borg removed her reproductive organs, it’s standard – oh God! She lied to him!” Chakotay’s shoulders were stiff under her hands. “Why would she do such a thing?”

“When the Doctor made it possible for her to experience the full range of emotions, Seven had trouble handling them at first. That night she had a date with Chakotay. She fell in love with him. Desperately, madly – just like in the holonovels. She was the blissfully happy one in their marriage.”

“So she fell in love with the first man she saw? That’s not even a good holoromance.” Kathryn snorted.

“At least it wasn’t Tom or Tuvok.” Kate joked. “I believe it was their third or fourth date, so she was already attracted to him. How could she not be?” She ruffled Chakotay’s hair as she paced past him.

Kathryn rubbed the back of his neck. “I wasn’t questioning her taste in men, every woman on Voyager melts at the sight of those dimples.”

“I certainly did.” Kate went back to the viewports and looked out at the stars. “They had been trying to have a baby for some time – not telling anyone. Seven wanted it kept a secret.”

“I’ll bet she did.” Kathryn muttered.

“Chakotay went to talk with the Doctor thinking that maybe something was wrong with him. The Doctor told him. He confronted Seven and she confessed.”

“Then he came to you.” Chakotay guessed.

“Yes.” Kate crossed her arms over her chest as if she could still feel him. “He was so hurt, so betrayed. I held him. I wanted to strangle her. Bash her head in with a rock!” She growled. She was shaking, still angry 23 years later. “He was crying. Crying! My dangerous Maquis warrior – crying like his heart was broken.” She laid her hands on the cold clear viewport. “And it was, I suppose.”

Kathryn felt tears stinging her eyes at the image Kate was painting of Chakotay crying broken hearted in her arms. Chakotay pulled her from the sofa down onto his lap.

Kate moved back to the sofa. “Then he fucked me. We didn’t have the pretty, sweet love scene I always imagined. Oh no, he was rough and angry. Angry at me, at himself. Right here on this sofa. I accepted the pain as my penance.”

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged a smile. It sounded very familiar.

“He was gentle after that first time. He was wonderful. We didn’t get a lot of sleep.” Kate smiled at the memory. “The next morning he said he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. We were in orbit around a class M planet and were resupplying. God, we were always resupplying. There were some ancient ruins of some long dead civilization.” She took a sip of her coffee and grimaced at the cold bitterness.

Kathryn crawled off Chakotay’s lap to get her a fresh cup. He took the opportunity to move up onto the sofa. Running a hand over the cushions, he wondered if he was sitting where it had happened. Looking up, he caught Kate grinning at him. She patted the other end.

Handing Kate her cup, Kathryn settled on Chakotay’s lap once again.

Taking the fresh coffee, Kate took a drink before continuing. “We were exploring the ruins, just the two of us, trying to figure out if anything from our lives was salvageable, when Seven beamed down and confronted us. She was angry at us! Can you believe it? Borg nerve. ‘My guilt is irrelevant’, she said to me, ‘he’s my husband’.” Kate waved her hands in the air. “Like her lying wasn’t relevant? We were in the middle of an ugly argument when the earthquake hit. Seven and I were trapped under some rubble. Chakotay had a broken arm, but was able to crawl outside. He called for help, but no one from the campsite answered. Voyager was mining dilithium on one of the outer moons. It would be 15 minutes before they could get to us.”