Safe In The Arms Of Love

By Maquis Leader

NC17 Adults Only

Author's note: Killing Game Add-on. In this story the Delta Flyer and Fair Haven have already been created. Otherwise the timeline would be screwed up. We can't have that now can we?

Chakotay woke suddenly to a sharp pain in the back of his head. Wincing, he opened his eyes to see the flicker of firelight and heard Klingon voices bellowing a drinking song involving death, blood, and battle. He wasn’t sure which song since the few he knew of all involved death, blood and battle. He winced again as the chorus got louder; he’d forgotten the glory.

He relaxed against the warm female body in his arms. He didn’t remember a party and he’d never drank so much as to forget going to bed with a woman – but there was always a first time for everything. A chuckle escaped him, not that they’d made it to a bed and that wouldn’t be the first time.

The woman stirred next to him and burrowed her face into his neck. “Chakotay….” The voice was soft and breathy. A voice he’d heard many times, but only in his dreams. Kathryn? He breathed in her scent, hidden under a perfume that was muskier and more exotic than she usually wore, but unmistakably hers.

While it was possible he’d had too much to drink and made a pass at her, there was absolutely no way she would be drunk enough to accept it. Still, he pulled back slightly to see firelight reflecting off auburn hair. Definitely her.

She stirred in her sleep, small hands on his back pulling him closer, lips placing a soft kiss on the side of his neck. “Chakotay….”

He became very aware of their nudity, of her soft belly pressed against his groin. Should he wake her up and let her be embarrassed or let her wake up on her own and be embarrassed. Or he could just go back…. to….sleep….”

Kathryn slid her leg up over his and pulled him even closer. His erection slid easily between her thighs to nestle against her womanhood. Sleep was no longer an option.

Groaning, Chakotay tried to ignore the heat and warmth he felt. Tried to ignore the small voice telling him how easy it would be to slip inside of her. Just a slight movement…..it whispered….she’s wet and ready…. Tried instead to focus on the second small voice that insisted he should let her go and put his clothes on. She shifted again, rubbing her breasts against his chest. The first voice was swiftly bludgeoning the second one to death.

“Uh-hum!” Turning his head, he saw the EMH standing in the entrance to the cave. “Com – er, Captain Miller, I believe it’s time for you and… Katrine to proceed with the mission.”

“Mission?”

“Yes, against the … er… Nazis.”

“Oh.” Nazis? Had the Doctor been drinking too much? Suddenly, it all came rushing back. The attack on the ship, the Hirogen boarding parties. Chakotay clutched her tighter, remembering the moment when he had raised his phaser intending to kill her himself rather than let her suffer the ritualistic torture and death the Hirogen inflicted on their prey. He had been brought down before he’d been able to thumb the trigger. Burying his face in her hair, he thanked the Spirits she was still alive.

“Captain Miller?” The EMH sounded annoyed.

“You’re crushing me.” Kathryn’s voice was muffled against his chest.

“Sorry.” He let her go enough to look into her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” She was thankful it was too dark for him to see the blush that covered her face. She was only too aware of his erection throbbing between her legs. “We need to get up.” Poor choice of words. “We need to get dressed.”

“Sure.” He reluctantly pulled away and began to dress in the strange clothes the Doctor handed him.

“I assume, Doctor, that this falls under doctor/patient confidentiality.” She gave him a look that told him this was not a question.

“Of course, Cap – Katrine. I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone about this, especially,” He cocked an eyebrow at Captain Miller. “Especially Chakotay.”

“Dismissed Doctor.” The Doctor walked back outside and she dressed quickly, her back to Chakotay.

He finished pulling on the Army uniform. Should he tell her he knew he wasn’t this Captain Miller or –

“I’m sorry that I took advantage of the situation Ch -- Captain Miller.”

“No – “

“Please, I know this isn’t – “ She fixed her eyes on a spot just over his left shoulder. “This isn’t something the ‘girls back home’ would do… but please….”

The decision was already out of his hands. Kathryn’s obvious fear of disapproval almost broke his heart. “Its okay. We both took advantage of the situation.” He had to assume he did anyway.

“I just wish…”

“So do I.” Taking her face gently in his hands, he kissed her. He might not get to remember Captain Miller’s night of lovemaking with Katrine, but he’d have the memory of Chakotay’s kiss with Kathryn.

He intended to be gentle and loving, but she wouldn’t allow it. Her tongue pushed into his mouth and she ground herself against him. Giving in to the passion that erupted, he slid his hands down to her bottom and pulled her up against him, thrusting a muscular thigh between hers.

He had her pressed against the cave wall, tongues dueling, and hands running over each other’s body when the EMH interrupted. “Oh my gosh! Captain, please!”

They came apart slowly and reluctantly with one last soft kiss. With a final trailing touch over the tattoo on his face, Kathryn walked past the gaping EMH and out of the cave.

Chakotay stood panting, painfully aroused. He ignored the frown the hologram was giving him.

“I’ll have you know, she’s not that kind of girl!” the Doctor said indignantly.

Since there wasn’t any standard apology or protocol for being caught dry humping your Captain against the wall, he settled for sarcasm. “Sure seemed that way to me.”

“There are certain – boundaries – lines – you – “

He wished he had someway to capture this moment; the EMH was speechless for possibly the first time since he’d been activated. Smiling, Chakotay went past the sputtering hologram and followed Kathryn out of the cave.

The Hirogen were gone but their spirit remained. Chakotay felt as if they haunted the ship. Shadows seemed threatening, every sound amplified and ominous. Those crewmembers in the mess hall around him were quiet and subdued. No one had any memories of what had happened, but they felt the trauma nonetheless.

He had some memories, but had let it be assumed that his neural implant had gone out at the same time as everyone else’s. Harry had told him that he had tried to shut his down much earlier, but hadn’t actually asked, so Chakotay hadn’t felt obligated to answer. Neither had he specified in his report. Let Kathryn believe he didn’t know what had happened. He smiled to himself, after reading her usual precise report; he knew that she had not been Katrine when she gave herself to him. That hopeful piece of information was something he’d keep to himself for a while.

Looking again at the padd he’d been reading, he scanned the report it held. The Doctor had noted that approximately seventy-five percent of the crew were experiencing insomnia, nightmares, and irregular sleep patterns. The crew slept uneasily when they managed to sleep at all. He was prescribing sleeping meds to a large number, more than an eighty percent increase over the norm.

The miasma was causing short tempers and irritability. Crewmembers were snapping at each other and Tuvok reported that several incidents had escalated to shouting matches and even fistfights. The brig was full and several crew were confined to quarters, including B’Elanna. The day before Tom and Harry had almost come to blows, it was even affecting the strongest of friendships.

Except for him and Kathryn. Every time he felt like snapping at her, he’d remember the feel of her soft lips, her breasts pressing against his chest. He suspected she was thinking the same things. He’d catch her looking at him with a slight, secret smile. He sighed, that was a wonderful thing, however he wasn’t getting much sleep and he was seriously over worked. Chakotay sighed again and rubbed his hands over his face before running his fingers through his hair.

“Love your new hairdo, Commander.”

He looked up to see Kathryn standing next to his table, a cup of coffee in her hand. “It’s a wonder I have any left.” He tugged at his hair in mock frustration.

“You look like you’ve been out during a tornado.” Sitting down next to him, she smoothed his raven hair back down. “It’s hiding your tattoo.”

“Why Kathryn, I never would have guessed that you were the type that went in for tattoos.” One good thing had come out of the experience; she was more relaxed around him, touching him more often.

“Well….” She brushed the last wayward strands back from his forehead. “A girl has to have some vices. Coffee, trashy romance novels, big guys with tattoos….”

They laughed together drawing frowns from some of the crewmembers seated nearby. A few of the looks were even a little hostile.

“Kathryn, we’ve got to do something.”

“I’m open to suggestions.” She rubbed her own bleary eyes. “I’d like a good night’s sleep for a change.”

“I had an idea.” He stopped, not sure of how to explain and half afraid she might laugh at him.

She laid a hand on his arm reassuringly. “Go on, Chakotay.”

“We need to cleanse the ship.”

“I’m not sure I understand.” Her brow furrowed. “We’ve cleaned up everything. You can’t tell the Hirogen were ever here.”

“But you can! The physical things are gone, but the Hirogen are still here, Kathryn. Voyager – “ Chakotay stopped, searching for a way to put his feelings into words for her.

“You’re saying we need to cleanse Voyager’s spirit?”

“Yes!” He took her hand. “We’ve healed the body….” He laid her hand on his chest over his heart. “But the soul – the spirit is still hurting…”

She was quiet for several moments, feeling his heart beat steadily under her hand. “I think you’re right.” She looked into the black velvet eyes and saw the truth in his words. “So, how do we… cleanse Voyager?”

“I’m not sure. I always turned away from what my father tried to teach me of the old ways. By the time I returned and accepted my people’s culture…. “

“It was too late.” Kathryn knew how much he regretted that part of his past. “There was no way for you to know, Chakotay. What’s important is that you went back and embraced your heritage.” She traced the lines of the tattoo on his face. “Your father is right here with you, always.”

“Now who’s playing ship’s counselor?” He teased. “I’d thought about seeking a vision, would you come with me?”

“Yes, I think I will.”

In her quarters, they settled down on pillows in front of the sofa. Touching the akoonah with joined hands they chanted softly together and let the walls of Voyager fade away….

Chakotay opened his eyes to the dark sky above him. Cold rain pelted him. “Kathryn!” Had she made it into the vision with him? She was not as adept with the vision quest as he was; he’d thought being in her quarters would help her.

“Chakotay!” She stood a few feet away from him, the wind whipping her hair around her face. “We’ve got to find shelter!”

Together they ran towards a nearby bluff. Finding a cave, they ducked inside out of the storm. Kathryn shivered. “I hope there’s not a bear in here. Your guide isn’t a bear is she?”

“No, but if she was, you’d be safe with her.” He looked around the small cave. There was a fire pit in the center of the cave floor and several large rocks to rest against. “Lucky someone built a fire for us – I was sick the day they taught us how to rub sticks together to make fire.”

“At least I don’t have to sacrifice any hair this time. Although I seem to have more than usual.”

Grinning, Chakotay lifted a handful of her waist length hair. “My fault, I always liked your hair long.”

“You wouldn’t if you had to brush it every morning.” She got as close to the fire’s warmth as she could. “What do you think this means?”

“It sounds like you’re inviting me to brush your hair.” He pulled his wet shirt off and laid it over one of the rocks close to the fire. “The storm could be Voyager. In here it’s warm and safe, protected from the storm. Could be our relationship.”

“We are the only ones not at each other’s throats.” Kathryn watched the firelight reflect on his wet skin. It reminded her entirely too much of another cave.

“So how do we get the warmth and light to spread?” Dropping down next to her, he ran his hands through his wet hair. “Neelix’s party didn’t work.”

“Not unless you count arguments and fistfights as a success. We need a way to deal with it and…. and….” She shook her head.

“We need to face the problem, not just cope with it and go on. Stress relief, we need stress relief somehow. It’s weighing us down with its weight.”

“We need to go back to the holodeck.” She hugged herself, chilly despite the fire.

“What?” Lifting her wet hair off her shoulders, he rubbed it between his hands to dry it. “Kathryn, I don’t know if I can ever go back to the holodeck.”

“But, Chakotay, we liked the holodeck. It didn’t do anything wrong. It’s like they spoiled it somehow, made it dirty.”

They spent several minutes in silence while he rubbed her hair and ran his fingers through it until it was nearly dry. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of his strong hands doing such gentle, delicate work.

“Its like they raped Voyager.” She leaned back against him. “They forced her to do things – things she does for us willingly.”

“That could explain the feelings I’ve been experiencing of darkness and oppression – of being dirty.”

“Listen to us, talking about Voyager as if she’s alive.” Kathryn laughed.

“Sounds silly alright.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “About as silly as believing in visions and spirit guides.”

“You’ve got me there.” She turned to face him. “So, now that we know the problem, how do we fix it?”

“One way rape victims recover their sense of self worth is by realizing that they have done nothing wrong and to forgive themselves.”

“Victims often blame themselves.” She agreed. “We need to show her that we haven’t turned away from her. By avoiding the holodeck, it’s like we were blaming her instead of the Hirogen. Punishing her.”

“When the Cardassians took Maquis captives, they would rape the women. Sometimes the men as well. They wanted to humiliate them, break their spirit.” Chakotay was silent for a long moment. “The most difficult part was learning to touch and be touched again. To trust.”

“Chakotay.” Kathryn rose up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “Oh, Chakotay.”

“No, Kathryn, not me.” He hugged her to him. “But enough of my friends that I felt…. violated…. in a different way.”

“I would love you anyway.” Her heart was pounding at the vision that had risen up from his words.

Pulling back, he looked into the blue eyes wet with the tears she would have shed for him. “And I love you.” Lowering his lips to hers, he kissed her gently with all the tenderness he could, as if she might break.

She moaned softly and opened her mouth to him, letting his tongue slip inside. The taste of him was wonderful, sweet and hot. His skin under her hands was soft and silky over the muscles rippling under her fingertips. Velvet over steel.

Her shirt was cold and clammy against his chest. Sliding his hands up to the collar, Chakotay pulled until the buttons began to pop off one after the other. Peeling off the wet shirt, he tossed it to one side.

He felt her shivering and pulled her against him to warm her. Kathryn’s breasts were cool against his chest. Rubbing his hands up and down her back, he dipped his head down for another kiss.

“Wait…. my pants are wet too.” Sitting back, she pulled off her shoes and pants while Chakotay did the same.

Naked, she laid back, holding out her hand in invitation. Chakotay moved over her, easing his body down onto hers. She parted her thighs to cradle him and opened her arms to hold him.

She arched up as he slid a finger inside of her. Resting the heel of his hand against the sensitive bud he rubbed gently, causing her to moan his name. Pulling him down to her breasts, she held his head as he suckled the swollen nipples, teasing and nipping at them until she was moaning and moving restlessly under him. She cried out when a second finger slid in to join the first in stroking in and out of her.

“Look at me, Kathryn.” She opened her eyes to find him hovering over her, black eyes glowing in the firelight. “I want you to see me when I come inside of you.”

“Yes….” Pulling her knees up, she spread her legs open farther for him. She kept her eyes locked on his as she felt his hardness press against her then slide in slowly until he was buried deep inside of her. He stopped to kiss her gently. “I love you.”

“Yes….” Holding his weight off her with his forearms Chakotay began thrusting into her with slow steady strokes. Pulling out nearly all the way before sinking back into her wet heat.

They kept up this rhythm kissing and touching until the pressure began to build within them. Their movements became rougher and faster until he was thrusting into her with all of his strength. Kathryn’s legs were locked around his hips as she met his frantic pace.

The tremors took her by surprise, shaking her body with an intensity that was frightening. Her night with ‘Captain Miller’ had been good – this was incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. Her muscles clenched around his hardness inside her as she came and her nails dug into his back. “Oh, God, Chakotay…..” He lunged against her, pushing harder as if he could fuse them into one person. She felt his climax start, the muscles in his stomach clenching, his back arching. “Yes, Chakotay, yes…..”

He was grunting and panting strange, foreign words in her ear, exciting her even more. Giving one final deep thrust Chakotay cried out her name. She felt another orgasm peaking within her. As he collapsed on top of her, his seed pumping hot sticky bursts inside of her, she felt it crest and break. Arching up against him, she let it wash over her.

Later as they lay quietly by the fire, she chuckled softly. “We’ve go to stop meeting in caves.”

“Uh hum…..” He answered non committaly.

“Chakotay, look! The storm’s gone!” Sitting up, she pointed at the sunlight streaming in through the mouth of the cave. “You were right – this is what Voyager needs.”

“Kathryn, are you suggesting I have sex with our ship?” His shook his head. “I’m not sure I have that kind of stamina.”

“Chakotay! We have to go back to the holodeck and show her it’s going to be alright.” She looked up and down his naked body. “And don’t sell yourself short.”

Lying back down across his chest, she kissed him as the cave began to fade away….

They were leaning back against the sofa in her quarters. Both of them were panting and Chakotay felt the wetness between his legs as proof of the intensity of the vision.

“Talk about safe sex.” Kathryn’s hands shook as she placed the akoonah on the coffee table.

“Don’t be sorry Kathryn, I’m not. I do however need to wash up.” He walked into the other room.

It wasn’t until he’d been gone for a few minutes that she realized he hadn’t exactly asked to use her bathroom to clean up. Not that she would have refused. Still…. Give a man an inch and he’ll take a mile, her mother always said. “The washcloths and towels are in the closet to the left.” Not hearing a reply, she went into the bedroom. “Chakotay?” Crossing to the bathroom, she got just close enough to trigger the sensor. “Did you find – “

The shower was running. He was in her shower! A mile? Huh! A light year was more like it! She’d have to set him straight. Stepping into the bathroom she marched up to the shower door intending to see that he – he was naked in her shower…. She spun on her heel and retreated back to the living room.

The image of his naked wet shoulders above the smoked section of the glass door, water pouring over his raven hair and down his chest…. She tried reciting the Federation Charter…. The dark outline of his body behind the glass as he soaped himself off…. The ache between her legs intensified. “Kathryn Janeway get ahold of yourself!”

“Kathryn, do you mind if I replicate a new pair of pants?” Chakotay’s voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin.

Spinning around, she saw that he had one of her towels draped loosely around his hips. “Sure, okay, fine. My replicator is your replicator.” Watching as he requested a pair of black jeans. No underwear? The ache became a steady throbbing as she tried to get herself back under control. Maybe Vulcan poetry would help.

Chakotay hid a smile at the emotions running across her face. He was getting close to getting what he wanted. Taking the jeans from the replicator, he tossed his towel to her. “Here, hold this for me.” Pulling the jeans on slowly, he buttoned the bottom two buttons before reaching out to take the towel from her. She held on to it, staring at his bare stomach, at the black hair that showed where the top buttons were undone. “Kathryn, I need to dry my hair.”

“What?” Looking down, she realized she had a death grip on the towel. “Sorry.” Her nipples were so hard they hurt and the throbbing between her legs was driving her crazy.

“I’ll try to think of a good way for everyone to come back to the holodeck. We need something comforting and friendly.” Chakotay finished toweling his hair dry and handed the towel back to her before he buttoned up his jeans. Gathering up his medicine bundle and uniform, he leaned down and kissed her gently. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He paused just short of the door. “And Kathryn, we really have to stop meeting in caves.”

She stared at the door for a long time after he left. He knew! No he couldn’t, could he? No, he had believed he was Captain Miller; his neural implant was still working then. He had to mean the cave in the vision. Oh God, the vision….. Walking over to the sofa, she sank down exhausted they had made love with no thought of boundaries or protocol. But it wasn’t real…. was it? Lying down on the sofa, she held the damp towel to her face and breathed in the scent of him that still clung to it. Tears rolled down her cheeks onto the towel.

Back in his own quarters, Chakotay sat down on the sofa and put his feet up on the table. He laughed aloud; once again he’d had sex with Kathryn without actually being there. He’d been surprised by the turn the vision took, but he’d take it as another sign that her resolve was weakening. The vision was guided by the unconscious thoughts and desires and her desire had been pretty clear. Her declaration of love was something she wasn’t ready to say aloud, but it was there in her heart.

Sorting through the contents of his medicine bundle, he pulled out Captain Miller’s insignia taken off the uniform he had worn when he had believed himself to be an American GI. He rubbed it between his fingers for a few minutes before pulling a single gold earring out of the bag. He’d found it on the floor of the cave when he’d been putting the army fatigues back on. It must have come off while they were making love. It was a strong token tying her to him.

Smiling to himself, Chakotay remembered the vision he’d had just two nights ago….

Chakotay watched his grandfather take another puff from his pipe. “Huh, the young have no time to listen to the ways of their elders.” The old man waved his pipe through the air, the gesture sending the scent of tobacco wafting to him.

“Forgive me, grandfather.” He relaxed against the wicker seat back. The old man would speak in his own time.

“I have a story for you, Possum, of a woman of the People. She was beautiful, but then are not all women of the People beautiful?” He smiled widely. “Ah, she was strong willed, like the eagle. She wanted the world her way. She was her own woman and would bow to no one. Many men tried to court and woo her but she spurned them all. Her father despaired of ever seeing her grow fat with his grandchildren.” The old man paused to puff on his pipe.

Waiting for him to continue, Chakotay studied him. The golden eyes reminded him of a wolf. Was this his grandfather’s spirit or his spirit guide? Or were they one and the same. “What happened, grandfather?”

“A young man came to her village and he told her she would be his bride. She laughed. Her father laughed. Her spurned suitors laughed. The whole village laughed. But the young man had a plan.” Again the pause for a puff. “His plan, Chakotay? He ignored her! Oh, he smiled at her if she looked at him. Spoke softly to her if she spoke to him, and never tried to force her to make a decision. And yet….”

“Yes?” He leaned forward eagerly.

“And yet they married in the Moon of Awakening.”

“But how did he win her, grandfather?”

“He lured her in gently. His heart was open to her and he was mindful of her fears of losing her place in the world.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Ah, Chakotay, how would you lure a wild bird to your hand?”

“I don’t know, grandfather, I – “

“If you try to catch a bird, it will fly away. That is its nature.” Smoke rings drifted upward. “But if you lay very still, the bird will creep slowly into your hand.”

The crackling fire was the only sound for a long time. Carefully pondering his grandfather’s words, Chakotay finally spoke. “So, I should just sit back and wait? But that’s what I’ve been doing for four years!”

“Yes, but did you have birdseed in your hand? Hmmm….” The old man pointed his pipe at him and laughed. “Bait the trap. Make her want to come to you.”

“I think I understand.” He smiled wolfishly. “I think I understand, grandfather.”

He’d opened his eyes with the realization that she was like a half wild animal that needed to be lured in and taught to trust. From that moment on, he’d done anything he could to make her want him. From touching her fingers with his when she was accessing the control panel between their command chairs to leaning in to whisper “good morning” in her ear when they met in the turbolift on the way to the bridge. Chakotay smiled; so far it seemed to be working pretty well.

“You want me to do what?” Tom Paris looked at Chakotay like he’d lost his mind.

“We need to go back to the holodecks, Tom, and no one is better at the programming than you are.”

“You’ve got to be kidding! I don’t want to go near the holodeck, Chakotay. Not now, maybe not ever. Every time I think about what they did to us. Especially to B’Elanna!”

“Tom, the baby was a holographic projection.”

“It wasn’t the baby – “ Tom dropped his head into his hands. “She doesn’t know if she had sex with the hologram or if that was just part of the information programmed into her neural implant. And what did I do?”

“Does it matter?”

“Hell yes it matters! Damn it, Chakotay, doesn’t it bother you that they did things to us that we can’t remember? And what did we do when we were playing their damn games?”

Chakotay understood what Tom was feeling. He’d wondered too, what he might have done in the various ‘hunts’ the Hirogen ran them through. “The holodecks were something we enjoyed and loved. They used them against us.”

“And now we just go back and forget about it?”

“Tom, what would you do, if you knew that B’Elanna had been raped?” Chakotay asked quietly. “ Would you hate her?

“What? Of course not.”

“Would you turn from her? Would you stay with her but never make love to her again?”

“The younger man got to his feet and leaned over the desk. “Are you saying she was raped?”

“I’m not saying anything. I asked what you would do. Would you still be able to make love to her or would you push her away?”

Reaching over the desk, Tom grabbed Chakotay by the front of his uniform. “What are you saying? What do you know?”

Surging to his feet, he glared into Tom’s eyes. “Take your hands off me lieutenant.”

Tom stared back for a few seconds before letting go and stepping back. “Sorry, sir.” He hadn’t seen anger and hatred like that in the Indian’s eyes since Chakotay had first found out he was on board Voyager. He suddenly realized how big the other man was. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. I need to know what you’re saying. I love B’Elanna.”

“It was a hypothetical question, Tom, nothing has happened to B’Elanna.” Chakotay sat back down. “The Captain and I feel that our problem is our anger and fear at what happened to us. And one the things we turn to for relief is corrupted. Our own ship was used to hurt us and we’re not able to recover and move on.”

He sat silently for so long that Chakotay wondered if he didn’t believe the question was merely hypothetical. Finally, Tom broke the silence. “You’re saying that Voyager somehow needs us?”

“Aren’t you the one who’s always saying that Voyager and the Delta Flyer are ‘your girls’? If anyone on board believed a mechanical thing could have a spirit it’s Tom Paris.”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “I’ve always felt a connection like she’s responding to my touch, not just instructions from the computer.”

“The Liberty felt like she moved more to my thoughts than the controls sometimes.” He nodded understanding. “How’s Voyager felt lately?”

“Sluggish and skittish somehow. I thought it was just me.” Tom stood and leaned on Chakotay’s desk again. “I’ll think of something. Maybe Fair Haven – “

“No!”

He’d forgotten that was Chakotay’s least favorite holodeck program. The blue eyes lit up mischievously. “I dunno, Commander, everyone really liked it, especially the Captain.”

“Find something else.” Gripping the arms of his chair to keep from strangling Paris, Chakotay ground out. “Something new.”

“Sure, sure!” Tom backed towards the door, remembering that the XO occasionally solved problems with his fists. “I’ll think of something.”

“You should have seen him Be, smoke was practically coming out of his ears.”

“You shouldn’t tease him, Tom, you know how he feels about her.” B’Elanna lay across her bed with tom rubbing the kinks out of her shoulders and back.

“I can’t help it, it’s the way I am.”

“And when he decks you someday, I’ll remind you that he can’t help it that’s the way he is.”

He worked on her back for awhile, kneading the knots and tension out of her muscles. “That’s nice…..” She was almost asleep when Tom suddenly slapped her bottom. “Ouch!”

“Where’s the last place you felt safe?”

Growling, she rolled over and threw him off of her. “You’re the one in danger, helm boy!”

“Seriously, where’s the last place you felt safe?” Tom held his hands up to fend her off.

“Safe? Oh, god, before we came to the Delta Quadrant, I guess.” She shook her head. “What about you?”

“When we were out there together in the suits. Thinking we were going to die together.”

“That made you feel safe? You’re unbelievable!” B’Elanna stopped at the look in his eyes. Tom was rarely serious but this was one of those moments. “Why?”

“I was in your arms Be, and I felt safe and loved. Secure – and once I admitted that I love you – I felt so free.”

“Oh, Tom!” She threw her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. “I felt that way, too, and stupid for feeling that way. We almost died and I was so happy.” Tears trickled down her cheeks onto his shoulder.

He hugged her back. “This is what Voyager needs.” He whispered into her hair.

“How are we going to hug a starship?” The cynical Klingon was back.

“Spacedock.”

They were in the Captain’s ready room and she and Chakotay had just finished reading his proposed holodeck program. “Let me see if I understand, Tom.” Captain Janeway leaned back in her chair. “You want to create a simulation of the Utopia Planitia shipyards with Voyager in spacedock?”

“Right, a launching party. Voyager’s family celebrating.” Tom was just warming up to his subject. “We can remember the good times we’ve had – maybe even touch on the bad. She’s gotten us out of some close shaves.”

“I’m not sure I see how this is going to help.” She looked over to where Chakotay leaned on the corner of her desk. “What do you think?”

“Think about it for a moment, Captain, when you’ve been held in someone’s arms and they’ve comforted you. Voyager came out of a shipyard, spacedock is as close as we can get to a comforting embrace.”

“We recreate the mess hall as the entry point of the program. Neelix can coordinate the food and drinks, we’ll have music, and a good view of Earth out the viewports.” Tom leaned forward. “To remind us what we’re trying to do out here.”

“I kind of had a picnic in mind.” Janeway looked at the two of them. “Okay, okay, I know when I’m beaten. Go ahead, Tom, but not a word to anyone.”

“Ah….”

“Besides B’Elanna and Harry – no one else.” She told him sternly. “Dismissed.”

After Tom left, she turned again to Chakotay and found he’d moved over to sit on the sofa under the viewport. She swiveled her chair around to face him. “What do you really think?”

“I think it’s the silliest idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him that?” She gestured at the door Tom had just exited through.

“Did you see how excited he was, Kathryn? No doubt Harry and B’Elanna are too.” Resting his arm on the back of the sofa, he turned and watched the warp trails stream by. “It’s good for them and once word gets out, it’ll be good for the rest of the crew.”

“I just told Tom not to say anything.” The man was absolutely exasperating sometimes.

“But you didn’t tell me not to say anything.” He smiled at her.

“Don’t give me that smile, Chakotay, I’m immune.” Liar! Those dimples were irresistible.

“Oh?” He sighed and turned back to the viewport.

“Spacedock? Voyager in her mother’s arms? Leave it to Tom! And a party? The last one didn’t go very well as I recall, now did it?” She waited for several moments, but he didn’t answer. He’d lowered his head down on his arm. “Chakotay?” Had he fallen asleep? God knows they weren’t getting enough sleep these days. “Lights at twenty-five percent.” She ordered softly.

The lights dimmed obediently as Kathryn went over to the sofa and sat down next to him. His eyes were closed, but she didn’t think he was asleep. He looked young and vulnerable with the starlight playing over his face. Had she hurt his feelings with her offhanded remark? Reaching out, she patted his hand. When he didn’t move, she slid her hand up to his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. He sighed, but didn’t move.

Maybe he was asleep after all. Feeling brave, she stroked his black hair. It was so soft and such a deep blue black. Scooting closer, she let her fingers slide through his hair and down to the back of his neck kneading the muscles there. Her hands moved over his broad shoulders and down his back. She remembered the feel of his muscles flexing under her hands. It was her turn to sigh at the memory of Chakotay’s body moving over hers.

One hand slid down to his trim waist and rested there. He was a big man, but there was no fat on him. Moving on to his hip, she nodded to herself. No, no fat, he was nice and lean. With her other hand, she brushed his hair back from his forehead then followed the arch of his eyebrow came back up across the high cheekbone and down over the strong nose. There was a slight bump on the bridge, evidence of having been broken in the past and not healed properly. Nothing she could see, but it was there, a tiny imperfection. She pressed a kiss to it.

A soft sound escaped him and he shifted slightly towards her, his head lolling back on his arm. The hand she’d let rest on his hip was now practically in his lap. Holding her breath, Kathryn waited to see if he was waking up, but he remained still, eyes closed and breathing evenly. “Chakotay?” She asked softly, but he didn’t answer.

His face was tempting, as beautiful as it was, but entirely too sensitive. Instead, she slid her hands over his broad chest. His uniform jacket was unzipped and there was only the gray turtleneck between them. Nice of him to move so she could have better access. His chest was firm and well muscled but not overly so. Kathryn licked her lips, the feel of his soft bronze skin against her breasts and belly that night on the holodeck had been wonderful. Mark had coarse chest hair that irratated her nipples, Chakotay’s chest was smooth and hairless. Brushing her fingertips over his nipples, they hardened in response and his breath came faster. Lowering her head, she nuzzled one gently still teasing the other with her fingers, allowing her other hand to slide down his flat belly to the hard bulge between his thighs. Her palm rested over it, feeling the heat before curling around him and squeezing gently. He moaned softly.

“Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway.”

The chirp of her combadge caused her heart to leap into her throat. Turning away from Chakotay, she slapped the badge hard enough to make her fingers sting. “What is it, Seven?” She hissed.

“I have the survey report on the next system that we will be entering, Captain. I’ll bring it to you now – “

“No, no, Seven, I can read it later.” That’s all she needed was for the inquisitive former drone to ask why she and Chakotay were in her ready room in the dark. Just put that padd on the desk, Seven, I’m busy molesting my First Officer while he’s asleep. Dismissed.

“As you wish, Captain. Seven out.”

Kathryn turned to see Chakotay’s eyes glittering in the semi darkness. Did the combadge wake him or had he been awake the whole time?

He was panting. “I was having this dream….”

“You were playing possum.”

“Possum?” He threw back his head and laughed loudly.

“What’s so funny?” Now that he wasn’t angry with her, she felt a little angry herself. How could he not notice she was touching him?